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My Dark Night of the Soul

In mid-January, I woke up at 3:33 am to the thought “You will come into alignment after your Dark Night of the Soul.” I only knew the exact time because I immediately reached for my phone to write down that thought in a Note on my iPhone. That night, I had no idea what it meant. But contrary to what you may have heard, a Dark Night of the Soul does not actually occur in a single night. In January, I chose to lay to rest my former self, proactively strive to become the best version of myself, & continue to grow & learn as a person. I know now that I am coming closer to alignment & my soul’s life mission & purpose.


A Dark Night of the Soul can be defined as a spiritual crisis that leads toward union with God, Source, the Universe, or however you spiritually identify with a higher power. The entire month of January was my Dark Night of the Soul. Every night, I woke up in the middle of the night between the hours of 3:00 & 4:00 am with a specific message or a song in my head. My dreams were vivid, & I was constantly reflecting on my past. While undergoing transformation, I began to feel hopelessly lost. Every morning, I took note of the messages & songs in my head, which sparked creative inspiration that I used to transmute my despair & sadness into something positive.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, in early January, I wrote a new blog post every single day for eight days straight. I believe that it’s the momentum from January that allows me to keep my creative juices flowing six months later. It’s a true blessing to know that people all over the world read my blogs. With every like that I receive, I know that somewhere, somehow, I am positively impacting another human being.


As previously mentioned, I grew up Catholic. From birth through eighth grade, I regularly attended Sunday Catholic mass with my family. After getting Confirmed at 16 years old, despite still praying daily, I began to only attend church on the big Catholic holidays, Christmas, Ash Wednesday, & Easter.

After my Annual birthday bubble bath, I cried non-stop for 25 minutes straight on my birthday. I put on a brave face to show my friends & family that I was strong, but deep within my heart, I was still lost & heartbroken. When my sister asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told her that I want to be happy again. When blowing out my birthday candles, I wished my ex happiness & to be able to grow & learn from my mistakes.

Beginning Sunday, January 17th, I chose to virtually attend Sunday mass again. It felt so good, & I found so much comfort & guidance listening to the liturgy again. I haven’t attended mass in person again yet. But the Catholic church that I found is actually only a few blocks away from my current apartment. I hope to attend in person one day.


Through reconnecting with my Catholic upbringing, I remembered the ideals that I held close to my heart as a child. I was determined to always forgive, love without the need for personal gain, & treat others the way I wanted to be treated. Childhood was simple. When someone was mean to you, you communicated that they hurt your feelings. They said sorry, & you forgave them. Then, you moved on as if nothing had happened, because it truly was left in the past.

As a child, you loved your parents, because they were your parents. You loved your friends because they were your friends. Your love was boundless, & you loved without conditions. As we grow up, we forget how simple life used to be. Children are so much better at self-regulating their emotions & moving on without holding a grudge. During my Dark Night of the Soul, I reconnected with & nurtured my inner child.


A Dark Night of the Soul will differ from person to person. But the key thing to remember is that it’s your personal journey of dealing with a spiritual crisis & doing what you can to find your place in the world & the universe again. Don’t let me or anyone else tell you what your Dark Night of the Soul should be. Your spiritual awakening will be uniquely yours & yours alone.

XO Denise

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