The Importance of Communication

you got this lighted signage

Being empathic & intuitive runs in my family. My innate gifts definitely help me with my Oracle & Tarot readings, but let me be clear that being a “psychic” healer doesn’t mean that I automatically know everything that is happening, did happen, or will happen in the future. If I tried to channel the energy of every person on the planet, I’d be exhausted & overwhelmed all the time. I keep my energy protected, & I don’t attempt to channel the energy of another person until I’m about to pull cards for a reading. Once in a person’s energy, I trust my intuition to create a narrative & chronologically sort the messages I receive to help me give the best advice, depending on the person’s unique situation. But at the end of the day, only the person that I’m reading knows their truth & story. That’s why I always promote the importance of clear communication.

During a reading, I may pick up that someone is keeping secrets or doesn’t feel confident enough to express their true feelings or insecurities when it comes to their connection with their partner or family members. Even though I’m not a licensed therapist, it’s general knowledge that keeping secrets & not expressing how you feel is detrimental to all types of relationships. A lot of women want their partners to intuitively pick up on what they want & need in a relationship without having to communicate their expectations, but that’s just not realistic. Even my own father who is very intuitive needs my mom to tell him when she needs or wants something to feel appreciated & loved. After being married for 37 years, I truly believe that it’s my parents’ ability to always communicate their needs to one another that make their relationship so long-lasting & successful.

Clearly communicating your expectations to your partner will ensure a happy & healthy relationship dynamic. If you need your partner to attend every social event that you’re invited to with you, say so. If you want them to make a huge deal about planning something special for your anniversary & birthday every year, tell them. The average person is not a mind reader. Expecting someone to cater to your every desire & wish, without telling them what you need & how to keep you happy, will only cause disappointment.

My parents have always set a great example for me & my siblings. My mom attends many social events without my dad. While both of my parents are introverted, my mom is definitely more of a social butterfly. My dad needs more alone time to rest & recharge on the weekends, so my mom will often go to family gatherings with me & my sister or one of my aunts. My mom would never drag my dad to a party that he didn’t want to go to just because it’s “expected” as her husband. Don’t get me wrong – my dad will still gladly attend weddings & milestone events with my mom with advance notice. My mom just knows her husband, so she sets her expectations accordingly. For example, my mom doesn’t expect my dad to surprise her flowers, take her out to fancy dinners, or plan weekend getaways at the drop of a hat. My mom has only received flowers from my dad three times in the past 37 years, & each time was when one of my siblings or I was born. My mom prefers to have a fancy dinner when me & my siblings are there with them to experience it too, & she prefers to plan vacations all together as a family as well.

Expectations without clear communication will always cause disappointment, but at the same time, expecting your partner to drop everything that they have going on in their life to cater to your every need to keep you happy, is extremely unfair & one-sided. It is not your boyfriend or your husband’s “job” to read your mind. If you don’t clearly tell your partner what you need, it’s not a requirement for them to attend every social event with you, buy you flowers, or surprise you with gifts. If you’re upset that your partner can’t read your mind, that’s not their problem. It’s up to you to communicate your needs & wants. Then, it’s up to them to step up to fulfill it or tell you if that’s not something they’re able or willing to do for you.

I’ve learned that the average woman doesn’t give out “gold stars” to their boyfriend or husband for doing what they’re supposed to do. I’ve learned that most women expect their partner to attend every party & buy them extravagant or meaningful presents for every anniversary, birthday, & holiday. When pointing out that a partner feels under appreciated, most women are shocked. They often think that their partner could be doing much more to make them happy, but I always do my best to truthfully point out that no one likes to feel under-appreciated. I then advise that what they may consider as “expected” behaviors, their partner may consider to be above & beyond anything that they’ve done for any of their exes.

In a relationship, I personally love good morning & goodnight texts, sporadic kisses, & bouquets of flowers, just because. I also consider a man cooking me breakfast, lunch, or dinner as the sweetest gesture. It’s also a dream of mine to be surprised with a trip to a new destination that I’ve never been to but have always dreamed of going to or simply being told to “pack a bag” & be whisked away for an unexpected weekend adventure. Since I haven’t had a man step up to give me these things yet, I choose to regularly give them to myself. My morning wake up alarm says “Good Morning”. My pug, Pogi, gives me sporadic kisses throughout the day. And when I have the budget, I buy myself a beautiful bouquet of fresh flowers & plan trips for myself within the US & internationally as often as I can.

It’s important for you to identify what you need & want in a relationship then clearly communicate those expectations with your partner. And when they do good, always show them your appreciation. Do your best to not let your expectations cloud your judgement or hinder your connection, especially if you haven’t communicated what you need to your partner at all. Until you do, you are the only one responsible for ensuring those needs are met.

Not even a “psychic” will automatically know how to cater to the needs of another individual. We’re all unique in our own ways, so what one person may want & expect in a relationship may be different from another. Take responsibility for yourself, express your needs, & communicate as much as possible to prevent any unnecessary conflict in your relationship. And when your partner can’t give you what you need, evaluate what’s a deal breaker & what you’re capable of giving to yourself, before starting a fight or threatening to break up with or divorce them. Take my parents as good example. If you know your partner & you know yourself, you shouldn’t have to worry about being happy & staying happy in your relationship.

XO Denise

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: