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What is Love?

Unconditional love feels magical. Too often, individuals focus on what they want from their partner, instead of accepting their partner as they are. With my Cartomancy, Oracle, & Tarot love readings, I teach my clients to stay rational & loves themselves, because it’s important to not become too attached to a specific outcome. When you’re blinded by love, you ignore red flags. It’s not my job to confirm or deny if the individual that you’re asking about is your person. But I give you the advice to help you decide if your partner in question is worth the pain & heartache.

About a month ago, I updated the bio on my personal Instagram to “1 Corinthians 13: 4-8”. I’ve loved this bible verse since the first time I heard it. Even if you’re not Catholic or Christian, it’s safe to agree that it’s a beautiful way to describe love. I use it today as a guide for my thought process.

Love is patient.

If your person is pressuring you to be physically intimate, commit, get a pet, or have children before you’re ready, they do not love you. Your true love will never rush you or want to make you feel anything but comfortable & safe with them. Someone who loves you understands if you’re not ready. Taking intimacy to the next level or taking a huge, milestone step forward when the time is right is important. Your person is patient & willing to wait until you’re ready. They don’t force you to do something that scares you or will make you unhappy.

Love is kind.

Someone who loves you is not mean to you or anyone you love. To be clear, in moments that they’re playfully teasing you, they’ll go out of their way to reassure you that they always mean well & would never purposely hurt or be malicious towards you.

I dated someone who told me that my sister was annoying & self-centered. I immediately came to my sister’s defense, since he only spent time with her when she was visiting me at school. My sister would talk a lot because she was updating me about her life since we lived apart for the majority of the year. His unkind comments about her when she wasn’t around were unwarranted & not true. Another unkind memory from an ex is being told that the erotic & seductive faces I make “in the bedroom” are very unattractive. Thinking about that insult gives me anxiety, & it still makes me self-conscious about the way I look whenever I’m about to be intimate with someone new.

Love does not envy.

I dated someone who would cry & call themselves dumb whenever he would fail & I got an A on an exam or a paper for the same class. Someone who loves you will not make you feel guilty for being you. They will want to celebrate your successes in school or your career. They’re not intimidated by the amazing qualities that you possess that make you, YOU.

Love does not boast.

When I worked as a Bank Teller, men would flaunt their money to make me go “weak in the knees” far too often. I also dated someone who bragged about how good he looked naked after losing 30 lbs, inviting me to watch him change every chance he got. But love is not proud or self-seeking, & it does not shame others. Being attractive & wealthy is one thing, but showing off or thinking that you’re better than others is unnecessary. In my opinion, acting in this manner is just a mask to cover up how insecure they potentially are on the inside.

Love isnt easily angered.

Someone I dated walked out on me, despite having a broken ankle, because I was watching a video from a dance battle, where my dance crew beat his. He didn’t even bother to tell me to not watch it in front of him or that he was upset. He just up & left with no warning or communication that I had done anything wrong. I also dated someone who got upset when I no longer wanted him to control my diet any longer. Someone who loves you will be willing to talk to you about an issue that hurts or upsets them before getting angry.

Using my favorite bible verse, while reflecting on my past loves helped me easily decipher who truly loved me & who did not, so I hope that it helps you too. Love at its best is selfless care & respect. A person who truly loves you will always respect your boundaries over their own desires.

Someone who loves you buys your favorite snacks on a road trip without being asked. They insist on bringing you a care package with medicine & personal care remedies when you’re sick. Your love prepares a plate for you when you’re too preoccupied to ensure you eat. They defend & protect you, even when you’re not around. If your person repeatedly hurts or mistreats you in any of the ways listed above, it’s safe to say that they do not love you. Learn the difference between what love is and is not, because unconditional love is not the same as unconditional tolerance.

XO Denise

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