Tag: Karma

Confessions of a Former Mean Girl

From my blog archives, “Mean Girl | Why I Got Into Self-Improvement” originally posted on September 20, 2016.

My name is Denise, and I am a former MEAN GIRL. 

At my very core, I am self-aware enough to say that I can be a mean girl. (This is also probably why I relate to villains and seem to attract people with similarly shameful pasts.) I can come up with sassy quips and sarcastic comments at the drop of a hat. I don’t always watch my tone when expressing my opinions, and I’ve even made people that I love cry. If you’re finding this hard to believe, then I’m really glad because it means that I’ve done my job. Every day, I find myself actively going against my initial instincts and innate behaviors. I’m definitely not proud of it, but I’ve grown to accept it as part of who I was. 

My Childhood

Growing up, I never had issues getting what I wanted. My parents provided me with an amazing childhood. In school, I excelled in all of my classes. I made every dance and sports team that I wanted to join. Cute guys ask me out on dates regularly. I got invited to dances and parties. People were just naturally drawn to me without much effort on my part. A friend of mine, who has a degree in Psychology, categorized me under the “What is beautiful is good” stereotype. (It felt like a backhanded compliment at the time, but I understood his intentions.)

To make things clear, I’ve never been an outright bitch. (Or at least I hope that I haven’t…) Because of the privileges I had been given, I was blind to my own faults. I was placed under an unrealistic spotlight that inevitably lead to complacency. Too smart for my own good, and I’d never known what it felt like to fail. I never feel rejected. I’d never been someone’s second choice. I didn’t know what it felt like to not be good enough. Life was about always putting myself first and doing what was in my best interest over the needs of everyone else. Expressing myself and making decisions without considering how it would affect others, I broke hearts without remorse. I thrived on proving that I was right, even if it meant making someone else feel stupid. (Ok… maybe I was a bitch.)

What I’ve Learned

As I grow older, I actively work to become more self-aware and considerate of others. Now, I consciously weigh every pro and con and consider the benefits and disadvantages for every person involved in my decision making. I also do my best to take every unfortunate situation as an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. Not only do I want to keep my inner mean girl in check, but I want to become as good of a person as most people perceive me to already be.

 I take a genuine interest in every new person I meet, and I hope to consistently benefit the lives of my closest friends and family. It’s a priority to be kind to strangers and be more compassionate and patient. I hope to boost the self-esteem of others and not be afraid to open up and feel vulnerable.

Going forward, I aspire to know better, do better, and be better. I may never be perfect, but I like who I am becoming. 

XO Denise

xodenisejoyceLeave a comment
round shaped clock hanging on wall above wooden cabinet

Complacency is Dangerous

From my blog archives with a few new edits, I originally wrote this on March 8th, 2017. Enjoy!

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Once upon a time, I was a miserable bank teller. For three years, I put on a fake smile to engage in meaningless small talk with customers while handling their money. I woke up each morning desperately hoping for a change of pace & a new opportunity to present itself. Just as I was about to give up hope, I decided to change my mindset instead. Because there’s no point in waiting for new opportunities, when we can create them ourselves. This is how I learned that complacency is dangerous.

Complacency is Dangerous 

It’s easy to get lost in your day to day routine. Don’t settle for a life that is comfortable but not fulfilling. It’s in the moments that we actively choose to take risks that allow us to grow. Perusing through YouTube in May 2011, I stumbled across the Beauty Vlogger Community & decided to start my own YouTube channel. Through something as simple as watching YouTube videos, a new fire started within my soul. I knew I could start a successful channel, if I just decide to be brave enough to go for it. 

My passion to learn more about all things Beauty grew exponentially in a matter of days. Strangers have the power within them to positively affect the lives of other individuals that intrigued and inspired me to follow in their footsteps. I suddenly had a new outlet to express myself, while receiving endless amounts of love and support from viewers that have never even met me in person. Though I don’t upload as often as I once did, my decision to put myself out there and risk ridicule, judgement, and criticism was the greatest decision I’ve made thus far. I still get reminders from my subscribers, friends, & family to start filming videos again. 

From taking that first risk, I’ve learned that each decision you make in life is essential to your story. There are small victories in each and every day. Whether opportunity presents itself or you create your own opportunity, be aware and grateful for it. Three years into my career in the Beauty industry, working for IPSY, I can honestly say that I love my job. I was actually given the day off by my CEO & other female leaders within the company for International Women’s Day, which inspired this blog post. 

Do you think complacency is dangerous?

I challenge you to take a good look at where you are in your life, & if you’re unsatisfied with it, I hope you find the courage within you to make the necessary changes to create a fulfilling, happy life, because you deserve it. Love yourself enough to take risks and live fearlessly. 

XO Denise 

xodenisejoyce1 Comment
dry rose flower next to broken heart shaped cookie

Karmic Relationships

If you’ve had unsuccessful relationships, know that it’s common to have several relationships in your lifetime. Not everyone immediately meets their soulmate & lives happily ever after with them. While all relationships have their ups & downs, karmic relationships are typically doomed from the start to teach you necessary lessons to become a better person. Different from the well-known, loving relationship of two soulmates, a karmic relationship is often dramatic, tumultuous, & temporary.

Karmic Relationships

I believe that every relationship I’ve entered into so far has been a karmic relationship. I now take ownership of my past karmic behaviors, as I’ve definitely been a karmic partner to others in the past. But the key indicator of a truly loving relationship is genuine care, honesty, kindness, & unconditional love. Here are some examples & key indicators that you’re in a karmic relationship, or you are actually the karmic.

Abuse

Any form of abuse can be present in a karmic relationship, including emotional, financial, physical, psychological, sexual, etc. I am very self-aware. Through reflecting on my past relationships, I can admit that I was physically abusive to one of my exes.

On a road trip, my boyfriend wanted to drive Highway 1 from SoCal back to my home in the San Francisco Bay Area. Being young & impatient, I hated that this transformed a normally 5 hour car ride into a 12+ hour road trip, because he needed to stop several times to take pictures. I was moody & rude to him the entire drive up, because let’s face it, I was selfish.

I hated that he wanted to do what he wanted despite how I felt. At 18 years old, I expected him to bend over backward to make sure I was happy. I basically chose to throw a tantrum like a child in his car. As a way to cheer me up & lighten the mood, he decided to swerve the car back & forth along the road. He laughed as he watched me sway with the car, thinking it was funny & that it would make me smile.

Instead, it made me even more angry. I yelled at him for driving recklessly because another car could come rapidly around one of the turns, cause him to swerve off the road completely & off a cliff, killing us both. I called him annoying & immature, & I started to physically hit him on his arms, back, & shoulders to stop him from swerving in fear for my life & my safety. At the time, I felt justified for being physically abusive towards him, but considering how I behaved that entire day, I can see now that we were both karmic to each other in our karmic relationship.

Cheating

Cheating, emotional or physical cheating on any level, is another indicator of a karmic relationship & karmic behavior. Within the same college relationship, we both cheated on each other. Since he lived in SoCal & I lived in the Bay Area, we were only physically together for about 8 months during the year for school.

The Summer before we broke up, he started cheating on me with his co-worker at the gym he worked at. And the semester before that, I emotionally cheated on him with my TA. By breaking his trust, he no longer trusted me to have any male friends. And while I thought it was ridiculous at the time, I don’t blame him for that anymore. Discovering that he had been cheating on me all Summer with his co-worker a month after we broke up is what hurt the most.

As someone who has emotionally cheated & found out about other options my past boyfriends hid from me, know that entertaining other options & emotionally cheating is just as bad as physically cheating on your partner. If you already have a replacement or possible replacements lined up, you never truly loved your partner or respected your relationship with them.

By learning from emotionally cheating on my boyfriend, I don’t tolerate cheating of any kind. When I’m in a committed relationship, I ignore anyone who slides into my DMs or offers to buy me a drink at a club. Because in order to find a committed partner, I know that I need to fully commit to my partner too.

If my ex boyfriend suddenly has a new girlfriend days or weeks following our breakup, I can now recognize & accept that I was in a karmic relationship. Just as I am faithful & loyal to my current partner, I need & want my partner to choose me & only me.

Insulting & Unsupportive

Karmic relationships are often conditional. If your partner only wants to date you if you act, behave, or look a certain way, you’re probably in a karmic relationship. If your partner endlessly tries to change you, puts you down, or is unsupportive of your hopes & dreams, they’re probably a karmic partner.

As outlined in my Palm Springs blog post, I’ve had a lot of issues with past karmic partners. One of my exes told me that the “sexy” faces I make are unattractive. Another ex was obsessed with me & tried to control everything I did down to how I ate. My other ex told me that I was charging too much for my Oracle & Tarot services right before I decided to launch in February 2021.

But I’m happy to say that going forward, I only want to date someone who loves me exactly as I am. I don’t want to be with someone who wants to control me. And I only want to date someone who supports my ambition, drive, & entrepreneurial mindset. I know what my time & energy is worth. So whether I want to change my career to become an Interior Designer, go back to school for my MBA, or raise my pricing for my Oracle & Tarot services, because I feel overbooked, my future partner will support me & believe in me just as much as I believe in myself.

The Relationship Ends

Karmic relationships are meant to come to an end once the lesson has been fulfilled. They can start out as passionate & all-consuming, then quickly burn out as quickly as they started. So considering that I’m still single & none of my past relationships have lasted, I can only assume that they were all karmic.

For a long time, I was a firm believer in not giving second chances. As someone who believes in true, unconditional love, my heart has been dragged through the mud, stabbed, & stolen without my love being returned more times that I’d like to admit. Now I’ve learned that while I’m still allowed to love unconditionally, getting a second chance to win my heart is a privilege. I should never continue to give love to a person or a situation if it compromises my integrity.

Have you ever been in a Karmic Relationship? How did it end? And what did you learn from it? Let me know in a comment below.

XO Denise

SOURCES

MindBodyGreen

xodenisejoyceLeave a comment

Everything is a Test

One of my biggest fears in life is failure. I have recurring nightmares of being back in school. It can be high school or college. But usually, I’m about to take a test that I’m unprepared for because I haven’t attended the class for the entire semester. As a perfectionist, passing tests with flying colors, getting good grades, meeting deadlines, & accomplishing my goals within a specific timeline are important to me. It may just be my perfectionism, but I believe everything is a test.

Dreams about Tests & School

As I mentioned previously, I’m a very vivid dreamer. I love keeping track of my dreams then interpreting them as soon as I wake up. On Sunday, May 23rd, Saturn goes retrograde in Aquarius through October 10th, 2021. Saturn is the planet of karma & life lessons. My recurring nightmares of being back in school are picking up, which I believe is directly related to Saturn’s retrograde. I love being prepared for tests, so it seems only natural that the universe is reminding me to be ready.

I haven’t been in school in over a decade. Dreaming about school often relates to unresolved issues from that time in your life, coming back as life lessons so can learn from them. They can represent personal growth & the need to learn about a hidden part of yourself. You’re at a turning point of your life where you need to expand your knowledge on a current circumstance or future situation. Dreaming of taking a test signifies insecurities, fear of not meeting expectations, & fear of failure.

Similar to final grades school or Annual Performance reviews at work, Saturn showcases the highlights of last year & tests you. If you’ve done well for yourself & show that you’ve learned your karmic lessons, Saturn is here to reward you. You’ll clearly see how you’ve grown & changed for the better. Then, Saturn how you the next steps forward on your journey to ensure it’s smooth sailing. If you’re still in lower vibrations & reliving your past mistakes, Saturn forces you to face your problems head-on. It then launches you into the next chapter of your life, whether you’re ready for it or not.

Saturn’s Karmic Lessons

If you’ve been contemplating quitting your job or ending a relationship, during this retrograde, Saturn may decide for you. You could get fired from your job or find out unforgivable secrets. It’s time to grow up & make decisions for the greater good of everyone involved. If you’ve made mistakes, choose to accept your past for what it is, forgive yourself, & try to make things right with anyone you’ve hurt.

Are you ready to be tested by Saturn? These next six months are what you make of it. Accept that everything is a test. But if you stay mindful & present, act wisely, & consider the benefit of others before yourself when making decisions, you have nothing to worry about.

XO Denise

SOURCES

Dream Moods

Refinery29

xodenisejoyceLeave a comment

The Importance of Apologies & Forgiveness

I’ve always hated the popular phrase “Sorry, not sorry.” Admitting when you’ve done something wrong or hurt another person by your actions is difficult. While I’m sure we all secretly wish that we were perfect & never have to apologize for anything, it’s just not the reality of the world we live in. Plus, when you’re genuinely a good person, the guilt alone will wear you down until you finally decide that you have to do something about it. As I’ve grown older, apologies haven’t gotten any easier, but knowing when I need to take responsibility for my actions definitely has.

Here are the two main components of a good, heartfelt apology:

Acknowledgment of what you did

Consider all parties involved & admit fault for the role you played in hurting others. If someone is accusing you of something that you actually did not do, you can still acknowledge how they feel & apologize for making them feel that way, even if it wasn’t your intention. You can choose to agree to disagree on the situation, but know that apologizing is the first step to reconciliation. If a relationship is important to you, apologizing, forgiveness, & moving forward on a new positive path is more important than your pride, ego, & ensuring that you get your way.

Decide how you intend to fix the issue you caused & commit to it with changed behavior

Promise to make it up to the person you hurt. Buy them flowers, candy, or even a small heartfelt gift that will really mean something to them & touch their heart. Assure them that you won’t do it again, but only if you actually intend to follow through with your promises. If you’re offering empty promises without changed behavior to be forgiven, you’re just manipulating the person that you hurt & setting them up to get hurt again. There’s nothing worse than realizing that someone you care about was just telling you what you want to hear so that they can stay in your life.

A real apology involves remorse, followed by silence, space, & showing your changed behavior, whether or not the other party accepts it. Learn to forgive yourself for the hurt you caused, & forgive others even when they refuse to apologize & take personal accountability. Try to act from the greater good for everyone concerned. It’s important to apologize as well as have empathy & compassion for others because even strangers deserve to be treated with kindness & respect. Think about the last time that you were mistreated by a complete stranger. It didn’t feel great, did it?

We’re all the main character in the story of our own lives. While we don’t know everyone’s unique story, it’s still important to do your best to not be another villain in someone else’s life. There’s a reason why a complete stranger may have been mean or rude to you at an inopportune moment, but instead of sinking down to their level, take a deep breath & try to show some compassion for what may be happening beneath the surface.

Only hurt people will hurt people. No one would send hate & darkness someone else’s way, if they weren’t deeply hurting themselves. There’s most likely a story behind their behavior & actions. But like I said in a previous blog post, how someone treats you is their karma. How you choose to react to their treatment is yours. Be mindful & present in your emotions. Do your best to apologize & take responsibility for your actions as needed. Then choose to forgive & let it go for your own peace of mind.

XO Denise

xodenisejoyce1 Comment