starry sky over mountains

My Dark Night of the Soul

In mid-January, I woke up at 3:33 am to the thought “You will come into alignment after your Dark Night of the Soul.” I only knew the exact time because I immediately reached for my phone to write down that thought in a Note on my iPhone. That night, I had no idea what it meant. But contrary to what you may have heard, a Dark Night of the Soul does not actually occur in a single night. In January, I chose to lay to rest my former self, proactively strive to become the best version of myself, & continue to grow & learn as a person. I know now that I am coming closer to alignment & my soul’s life mission & purpose.


A Dark Night of the Soul can be defined as a spiritual crisis that leads toward union with God, Source, the Universe, or however you spiritually identify with a higher power. The entire month of January was my Dark Night of the Soul. Every night, I woke up in the middle of the night between the hours of 3:00 & 4:00 am with a specific message or a song in my head. My dreams were vivid, & I was constantly reflecting on my past. While undergoing transformation, I began to feel hopelessly lost. Every morning, I took note of the messages & songs in my head, which sparked creative inspiration that I used to transmute my despair & sadness into something positive.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, in early January, I wrote a new blog post every single day for eight days straight. I believe that it’s the momentum from January that allows me to keep my creative juices flowing six months later. It’s a true blessing to know that people all over the world read my blogs. With every like that I receive, I know that somewhere, somehow, I am positively impacting another human being.


As previously mentioned, I grew up Catholic. From birth through eighth grade, I regularly attended Sunday Catholic mass with my family. After getting Confirmed at 16 years old, despite still praying daily, I began to only attend church on the big Catholic holidays, Christmas, Ash Wednesday, & Easter.

After my Annual birthday bubble bath, I cried non-stop for 25 minutes straight on my birthday. I put on a brave face to show my friends & family that I was strong, but deep within my heart, I was still lost & heartbroken. When my sister asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told her that I want to be happy again. When blowing out my birthday candles, I wished my ex happiness & to be able to grow & learn from my mistakes.

Beginning Sunday, January 17th, I chose to virtually attend Sunday mass again. It felt so good, & I found so much comfort & guidance listening to the liturgy again. I haven’t attended mass in person again yet. But the Catholic church that I found is actually only a few blocks away from my current apartment. I hope to attend in person one day.


Through reconnecting with my Catholic upbringing, I remembered the ideals that I held close to my heart as a child. I was determined to always forgive, love without the need for personal gain, & treat others the way I wanted to be treated. Childhood was simple. When someone was mean to you, you communicated that they hurt your feelings. They said sorry, & you forgave them. Then, you moved on as if nothing had happened, because it truly was left in the past.

As a child, you loved your parents, because they were your parents. You loved your friends because they were your friends. Your love was boundless, & you loved without conditions. As we grow up, we forget how simple life used to be. Children are so much better at self-regulating their emotions & moving on without holding a grudge. During my Dark Night of the Soul, I reconnected with & nurtured my inner child.


A Dark Night of the Soul will differ from person to person. But the key thing to remember is that it’s your personal journey of dealing with a spiritual crisis & doing what you can to find your place in the world & the universe again. Don’t let me or anyone else tell you what your Dark Night of the Soul should be. Your spiritual awakening will be uniquely yours & yours alone.

XO Denise

photo lavender flower field under pink sky

Lent & the Seven Deadly Sins

For any of you who aren’t Catholic or Christian, today is Ash Wednesday, which marks the first day of Lent. Growing up, I always looked forward to gorging myself with food & partying on Mardi Gras. lol Then come Wednesday morning, I attend mass & get my ashes on my forehead prepared to fast for Lent. Every year, from Ash Wednesday through the Saturday before Easter, I fast giving up meat on Fridays as well as something that I love dearly for 40 days. In the past couple of years, instead of giving up one thing, such as frivolous shopping, soda, or fast food, I gave up one of the Seven Deadly Sins. If you’re not familiar with the Seven Deadly Sins, they are:

  1. Lust: Extreme sexual desire and/or impulsive behavior
  2. Gluttony: Overindulging in anything to the point of obsession and/or waste
  3. Greed: Extreme neediness for money and/or material possessions
  4. Sloth: Laziness or indifference with lack of drive or focus
  5. Wrath: Extreme anger or rage
  6. Envy: Resentful longing for what another has including their material possessions, qualities, luck, etc.
  7. Pride: Selfishness

Last year, I gave up Gluttony, because I have a weakness for online shopping & overeating. lol I gave up frivolous shopping, which I define as any shopping that is not a necessity, such as groceries or personal hygiene products, & overeating is pretty self-explanatory, no eating more than necessary for survival. Even though I proactively choose to eat clean for majority of the time, I still love dessert & appetizers as well as unhealthy snacks, such as candy or chips.

This year for Lent, I’m going to try my best to refrain from committing any of the Seven Deadly Sins. Since I’m single, I’m not going to act impulsively or jump into a new relationship. I’m not going to shop carelessly, over eat, or over drink. I’m going to limit my social media screen time, be thankful for the existing abundance that I have, & not envy the money, possessions, or circumstances of anyone else. I’m going to create a routine & set daily goals for myself to stay productive, & I’m going to be altruistic, putting the needs of others before myself.

Lent this year is not going to be easy, but I think that’s the point. During Lent, you’re called to give up your vices, not to torture yourself, but to learn & improve as a person. It’s common knowledge in Psychology that it takes 21 days to break a habit, so I think 40 days can help me break a lot of my toxic behaviors. While I know that I won’t be instantly cured come Easter Sunday, I’m optimistic & hopeful for the changes I’ll be proactively working towards during my 40 days of fasting.

XO Denise