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Open Letter to the Single Population

While I do date and I’ve tried dating apps, I’ve been single for over a decade. I’ve always found it odd how much people dread being single. I pity the lengths some will go to ensure they are only single for as little time possible; sometimes, even overlapping their old and new romantic interests. I know that there are good potential partners that I haven’t met just yet. But until I do meet them, I personally refuse to act desperate and settle for unsatisfactory relationships and even worse, the occasional casual hookup. Because I’m worth more than that, and you are too.

Earlier this month in Miami, I was approached by an endless number of desperate men. It was already 3 am, and La Sandwicherie was walking distance from my Airbnb in Wynwood. It was also the only place open. I was starving after dancing with my friends all night, ready to devour my sandwich; only to be interrupted by an endless parade of men trying to hook up with me.

“How’s your sandwich?”

“What brings you to Miami?”

“Where are you from?”

“How long are you here for?”

“What are you doing after this?”

“Can I take you home?”

Asking them to politely leave me alone to let me eat my sandwich did not stop their advances. Not answering their questions while attempting to eat did not stop them either. While I intended to eat at least half of my sandwich before heading home, I eventually wrapped my sandwich up only a few bites in. Then I was approached by two more men while trying to escape, hangrily wishing I could have just ate my sandwich in peace.

Stop trying so hard!

The truth is that the harder you try… the further you will push the object of your affection away. It’s easy to sense desperation, and it’s not attractive.

You shouldn’t need to force someone to speak to you. You shouldn’t have to force someone to date you. If their attention is elsewhere, wait for a more opportune moment. And if they don’t return your affection or interest at all, let it be. My most recent experience being badgered was in person, but if you find yourself being ghosted via email, text, social media, or voicemails, swallow your ego and pride. Act with dignity and respect for yourself, because you deserve better.

If you find yourself needing to lie, manipulate, play games, or seduce someone in order to get them, do yourself a favor and stop. No one should have to overexert themselves, pursuing someone who does not want to be pursued. And if you somehow manage to “convince” them of your worth, how long do you honestly think you can keep up a disingenuous charade?

Treat others and yourself with respect. Approach others how you would want to be approached. The only people that will respond positively to desperate actions are people who are truly desperate for affection themselves.

XO Denise