July, 2021 - Denise Joyce

Complacency is Dangerous

From my blog archives with a few new edits, I originally wrote this on March 8th, 2017. Enjoy!

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Once upon a time, I was a miserable bank teller. For three years, I put on a fake smile to engage in meaningless small talk with customers while handling their money. I woke up each morning desperately hoping for a change of pace & a new opportunity to present itself. Just as I was about to give up hope, I decided to change my mindset instead. Because there’s no point in waiting for new opportunities, when we can create them ourselves. This is how I learned that complacency is dangerous.

Complacency is Dangerous

It’s easy to get lost in your day to day routine. Don’t settle for a life that is comfortable but not fulfilling. It’s in the moments that we actively choose to take risks that allow us to grow. Perusing through YouTube in May 2011, I stumbled across the Beauty Vlogger Community & decided to start my own YouTube channel. Through something as simple as watching YouTube videos, a new fire started within my soul. I knew I could start a successful channel, if I just decide to be brave enough to go for it.

My passion to learn more about all things Beauty grew exponentially in a matter of days. Strangers have the power within them to positively affect the lives of other individuals that intrigued and inspired me to follow in their footsteps. I suddenly had a new outlet to express myself, while receiving endless amounts of love and support from viewers that have never even met me in person. Though I don’t upload as often as I once did, my decision to put myself out there and risk ridicule, judgement, and criticism was the greatest decision I’ve made thus far. I still get reminders from my subscribers, friends, & family to start filming videos again.

From taking that first risk, I’ve learned that each decision you make in life is essential to your story. There are small victories in each and every day. Whether opportunity presents itself or you create your own opportunity, be aware and grateful for it. Three years into my career in the Beauty industry, working for IPSY, I can honestly say that I love my job. I was actually given the day off by my CEO & other female leaders within the company for International Women’s Day, which inspired this blog post.

Do you think complacency is dangerous?

I challenge you to take a good look at where you are in your life, & if you’re unsatisfied with it, I hope you find the courage within you to make the necessary changes to create a fulfilling, happy life, because you deserve it. Love yourself enough to take risks and live fearlessly.

XO Denise

July 30, 2021July 24, 2021

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How To Stay Healthy This Summer

If I’ve learned anything over the past few years, it’s that the real “hot girls” are actually “healthy” girls. Getting lots of attention from guys, having a ton of options, & partying all Summer long is not on my personal Summer bucket list. But being happy & healthy is always my top priority. Here’s how I plan to stay healthy this Summer!

How To Stay Healthy This Summer

Watch the Sunrise

It’s a well-known fact that it’s a good idea to start your day early. While I don’t necessarily mean that you need to wake up every day before the sun, taking the time to get up earlier than usual to watch the sky change colors as the sun peeks over the horizon is good for your mental health.

Drink Water

With the warmer temperatures, you’re going to be sweating a lot more. Drinking water will help replenish your body as well as give you glowing skin. It’ll also curb your appetite so that you can stay on the go without getting hungry before your usual mealtimes.

Eat Fresh Fruit & Veggies

When you do get hungry, I highly encourage you to eat more fresh fruit & veggies. They’re packed with healthy nutrients as well as water to help you refuel throughout the day, without being calorie-dense or high in salt or processed sugar.

Cook

Summer is a great time to try new recipes! With lots of popular cooking methods, such as baking, grilling on a BBQ, using an air fryer, or the classic stove, there are so many delicious, healthy recipes on Pinterest! I try to cook at least one new recipe a week, so I can continue to flex my cooking skills.

Go to the Beach

Nothing says Summertime like the beach. I love feeling the sand between my toes, & saltwater does wonders for my hair & skin. I always feel like a beautiful, ethereal mermaid at the beach.

Swim

If you can’t make it to the beach to swim or spend some time splashing around in the water, I recommend going to a public pool or finding a friend with access to a pool. I’m lucky enough to have a rooftop pool at my apartment building in Oakland, CA. On the warmest days, I find myself always taking the time to go swimming whenever I can. Not only is it a great way to cool down, but it’s also a fun way to work out. I love swimming laps for cardio as well as other pool-friendly exercises for strength!

Hike

Hiking is one of my favorite ways to work out as well as spend time out in nature. I have a few hiking vlogs on my YouTube channel with a couple of local, East Bay hikes. One of the best things about the Bay Area is the mild climate & different terrains. There are so many different hikes available on All Trails, & you can filter them by difficulty & length.

Volunteer

I love giving back to my local community. In the past, I’ve volunteered with the San Francisco Food Bank, Habitat for Humanity East Bay, as well as local homeless shelters & senior care homes. During COVID-19, I also signed up for Letters to Seniors to help combat social isolation by writing letters to senior citizens.

Watch the Sunset

Just as important as waking up early to watch the sunrise, it’s equally important to slow down at the end of your day to watch the sunset. I’m always in awe at how the colors of any sunset are never the same. That’s why with these long Summer days, I always take a quiet moment to myself to watch the sunset & the sky change colors over downtown Oakland, or wherever I happen to be that day.

Stargaze

It’s hard to see the stars when you live in Downtown Oakland. But when I’m visiting family or camping, I always have to look up at the stars & think about how we are also just a tiny sparkling speck in the universe.

It’s time for us to forget about “Hot Girl Summer”. Summer isn’t about dieting so you can take pictures in a bikini to get likes on Instagram. Summer is about enjoying the sunlight & longer days while they’re here. Summer should be a celebration of who you are & what you love.

What are you doing to stay healthy this Summer?

XO Denise

July 26, 2021July 24, 2021

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What I Learned From Rock Climbing

From my blog archives with a few new edits, I originally wrote this on January 17th, 2017. Enjoy!

“You can’t fall if you don’t climb… But there’s no joy in living your whole life on the ground!” – Unknown

In December 2017, I joined a climbing gym, Planet Granite, & since then, climbing has quickly become one of my favorite ways to stay in shape. As someone who is still very much afraid of heights, I never thought that I’d grow to love it as much as I do now. I’m also pleasantly surprised at the way it’s slowly influencing my way of life & overall mentality. I now often find myself applying the following core values & lessons learned from climbing to my every day life.

Fear Is All In Your Head

I first approached climbing as a way to get over my fear of heights. As expected, during my first few climbs, I let my fear get the best of me. I found myself giving up halfway up the wall or three-quarters of the way up, with my legs quivering ready to be lowered back onto the ground immediately. But over time, I was slowly able to gain confidence & climb higher & attempt higher walls without hesitation. I’ve learned that fear only exists in your head, & as long as you work through your fear calmly & rationally, there is no fear you can’t overcome.

Trust Your Counterpart

It’s daunting to “literally” put your life in someone else’s hands, but in life as well as climbing, you’re not the only variable in an equation. I’ve learned that I thrive the most when I have another person’s best interest at heart. When climbing, you & your counterpart must work as a team & do whatever it takes to allow the other person to succeed. Encouragement, clear communication, constructive criticism, & care for another’s safety are all critical components to successful relationships. Without trust in your counterpart, things can go from bad to worse really quickly. Fear can cause you to become stagnant on the wall or even worse, never feel ready to leave the ground.

You Can Reach The Top

While you may not reach the top on your first try, you may even have to take several different approaches to get there, but it will happen if you want it badly enough. I never thought I’d have to think as hard as I do, while suspended in the air. I tend to focus on going at a pace I’m comfortable with, focusing on one problem at a time. The most important thing is to keep moving, no matter how slow. Like in life, the unique journey you take to reach your goals is just as important as reaching the peak of your climb. And when you get there, feel free to revel in your triumph, because you deserve it!

XO Denise

July 23, 2021July 23, 2021

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When You’re “Just a Friend”

“You, you got what I need but you say he’s just a friend. But you say he’s just a friend” – Biz Markie

With the passing of Biz Markie (RIP) on Friday, July 16th, I felt compelled to listen to his smash hit “Just a Friend”. It also inspires today’s blog post. Finding love is so hard nowadays because we’re terrified of cutting off all of our other options & defining a relationship as exclusive. But the longer you collect friends & push away the option that wants to call you their own & be more than friends, the longer it will take you to find true love.

“So please listen to the message that I say

Don’t ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend” – Biz Markie

After my first 2 boyfriends, the boys that I dated in my early 20s only wanted to be friends with benefits or took their sweet time & let me walk away completely for days, weeks, or even months before deciding to finally call me their “girlfriend”. It wasn’t until my late 20s/early 30s that I became more firm with setting my relationship boundaries. After the first few dates, I let my man know that I’m only looking to spend time with someone who’s looking for something real. Young adults need to pull out their dictionary or at the very least Google the definition of friend. A friend is someone with whom you share a mutual affection, excluding sexual relations. Yes, you can hang out & spend time with your friends. But you DO NOT engage in anything sexual with your friends.

Biz Markie warned society in September 1989 when he released his song. Don’t ever talk to someone who says they have a “friend”. Anyone who calls their romantic interests “friends” knows EXACTLY what they’re doing. I don’t recommend ever willingly putting yourself in a love triangle. Because whether you’re chosen over other options or not, it’s not a winning situation any way you try to spin it. If someone you’re dating says you’re a friend or has other people whom they keep in touch with that they are also friends with, without delving deeper into their actual “friendship”. Take it as a major red flag!

You deserve a relationship that is real. The person you end up with should love you & exclaim it proudly because you’re not just their friend. You should be their whole world, & they should be yours! Don’t feel bad for setting boundaries & rejecting new romantic partners because they have a “friend” or only want to label you as their “friend”. Know that you are enough & worthy of an exclusive relationship.

XO Denise

July 19, 2021July 18, 2021

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Things to Stop Doing on Social Media

The past 7 months of 2021 are the happiest months that I’ve had since Social Media came on the scene in the early 2000s. At 10 years old, my dad allowed me to create my first AOL screen name, dkjoyce. Then, at 11 years old, I taught myself HTML & JavaScript coding & created my first website “Neecie’s Mystic Universe” hosted by Angelfire. Since 1999, I’ve been maintaining a public online presence, which ultimately became the demise of my happiness. Beginning with MySpace, followed by Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc., I got caught up in the world of who has the most friends/followers, likes, & retweets/shares. While I thought getting validation from others made me happy, instead, I realize now that it’s everything I’ve stopped doing that’s made me the happiest. That said, if you’ve been looking for solutions to help your mental health, here’s a list of things to STOP doing on Social Media.

Things to STOP Doing on Social Media:

Believing that your Social Media channels determine your self-worth
Checking who has viewed your Instagram Stories
Comparing yourself to others
Deleting posts or tweets that don’t have enough engagement
Feeling embarrassed about the things that give you joy
Following celebrities or influencers who make you feel bad about yourself or your life
Reading old comments, DMs, & threads
Refreshing your notifications
Scrolling back in time & dwelling about the past
Trying to impress others

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt

As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Remember, Social Media is everyone’s life through rose-colored glasses. Do not let having amazing content to post, a huge following, or more likes than the average person determine how you perceive yourself. Personally, I hate the Memories tab on Facebook. Now, when I see something that I posted for attention from 10+ years ago, I delete it immediately. I now use my Social Media as a visual journal & a platform to share who I truly am & what I love with the world.

XO Denise

July 16, 2021July 15, 2021

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Karmic Relationships

If you’ve had unsuccessful relationships, know that it’s common to have several relationships in your lifetime. Not everyone immediately meets their soulmate & lives happily ever after with them. While all relationships have their ups & downs, karmic relationships are typically doomed from the start to teach you necessary lessons to become a better person. Different from the well-known, loving relationship of two soulmates, a karmic relationship is often dramatic, tumultuous, & temporary.

Karmic Relationships

I believe that every relationship I’ve entered into so far has been a karmic relationship. I now take ownership of my past karmic behaviors, as I’ve definitely been a karmic partner to others in the past. But the key indicator of a truly loving relationship is genuine care, honesty, kindness, & unconditional love. Here are some examples & key indicators that you’re in a karmic relationship, or you are actually the karmic.

Abuse

Any form of abuse can be present in a karmic relationship, including emotional, financial, physical, psychological, sexual, etc. I am very self-aware. Through reflecting on my past relationships, I can admit that I was physically abusive to one of my exes.

On a road trip, my boyfriend wanted to drive Highway 1 from SoCal back to my home in the San Francisco Bay Area. Being young & impatient, I hated that this transformed a normally 5 hour car ride into a 12+ hour road trip, because he needed to stop several times to take pictures. I was moody & rude to him the entire drive up, because let’s face it, I was selfish.

I hated that he wanted to do what he wanted despite how I felt. At 18 years old, I expected him to bend over backward to make sure I was happy. I basically chose to throw a tantrum like a child in his car. As a way to cheer me up & lighten the mood, he decided to swerve the car back & forth along the road. He laughed as he watched me sway with the car, thinking it was funny & that it would make me smile.

Instead, it made me even more angry. I yelled at him for driving recklessly because another car could come rapidly around one of the turns, cause him to swerve off the road completely & off a cliff, killing us both. I called him annoying & immature, & I started to physically hit him on his arms, back, & shoulders to stop him from swerving in fear for my life & my safety. At the time, I felt justified for being physically abusive towards him, but considering how I behaved that entire day, I can see now that we were both karmic to each other in our karmic relationship.

Cheating

Cheating, emotional or physical cheating on any level, is another indicator of a karmic relationship & karmic behavior. Within the same college relationship, we both cheated on each other. Since he lived in SoCal & I lived in the Bay Area, we were only physically together for about 8 months during the year for school.

The Summer before we broke up, he started cheating on me with his co-worker at the gym he worked at. And the semester before that, I emotionally cheated on him with my TA. By breaking his trust, he no longer trusted me to have any male friends. And while I thought it was ridiculous at the time, I don’t blame him for that anymore. Discovering that he had been cheating on me all Summer with his co-worker a month after we broke up is what hurt the most.

As someone who has emotionally cheated & found out about other options my past boyfriends hid from me, know that entertaining other options & emotionally cheating is just as bad as physically cheating on your partner. If you already have a replacement or possible replacements lined up, you never truly loved your partner or respected your relationship with them.

By learning from emotionally cheating on my boyfriend, I don’t tolerate cheating of any kind. When I’m in a committed relationship, I ignore anyone who slides into my DMs or offers to buy me a drink at a club. Because in order to find a committed partner, I know that I need to fully commit to my partner too.

If my ex boyfriend suddenly has a new girlfriend days or weeks following our breakup, I can now recognize & accept that I was in a karmic relationship. Just as I am faithful & loyal to my current partner, I need & want my partner to choose me & only me.

Insulting & Unsupportive

Karmic relationships are often conditional. If your partner only wants to date you if you act, behave, or look a certain way, you’re probably in a karmic relationship. If your partner endlessly tries to change you, puts you down, or is unsupportive of your hopes & dreams, they’re probably a karmic partner.

As outlined in my Palm Springs blog post, I’ve had a lot of issues with past karmic partners. One of my exes told me that the “sexy” faces I make are unattractive. Another ex was obsessed with me & tried to control everything I did down to how I ate. My other ex told me that I was charging too much for my Oracle & Tarot services right before I decided to launch in February 2021.

But I’m happy to say that going forward, I only want to date someone who loves me exactly as I am. I don’t want to be with someone who wants to control me. And I only want to date someone who supports my ambition, drive, & entrepreneurial mindset. I know what my time & energy is worth. So whether I want to change my career to become an Interior Designer, go back to school for my MBA, or raise my pricing for my Oracle & Tarot services, because I feel overbooked, my future partner will support me & believe in me just as much as I believe in myself.

The Relationship Ends

Karmic relationships are meant to come to an end once the lesson has been fulfilled. They can start out as passionate & all-consuming, then quickly burn out as quickly as they started. So considering that I’m still single & none of my past relationships have lasted, I can only assume that they were all karmic.

For a long time, I was a firm believer in not giving second chances. As someone who believes in true, unconditional love, my heart has been dragged through the mud, stabbed, & stolen without my love being returned more times that I’d like to admit. Now I’ve learned that while I’m still allowed to love unconditionally, getting a second chance to win my heart is a privilege. I should never continue to give love to a person or a situation if it compromises my integrity.

Have you ever been in a Karmic Relationship? How did it end? And what did you learn from it? Let me know in a comment below.

XO Denise

SOURCES

MindBodyGreen

July 12, 2021July 12, 2021

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