What is your definition of intimacy?
In my mind, intimacy is a terrifying level of closeness. It may sound oxymoronic, but I’m not afraid to admit that intimacy in a romantic relationship is scary. While it’s natural to not have passionate chemistry with everyone, you will know when you meet the right person. Everyone wants love, but not everyone has the strength to let down their walls. That said, knowing & embracing intimacy is the only way to surrender. Learn to be vulnerable in order to fall in love, so let’s get into my personal version of Intimacy 101!
Intimacy cannot be forced into a relationship, & it shouldn’t have to be. No matter how hard you may want to try to build an intimate connection, intimacy must come naturally. It takes two individuals who are ready to fall in love. They want to be vulnerable & experience all types of intimacy.
Let’s explore the different types of Intimacy: Emotional, Experiential, Intellectual, Physical, & Spiritual.
Emotional intimacy is being authentic & honest with your feelings. You must able to freely share your innermost hopes, dreams, fears, & secrets without judgment. Openly express your emotions & feelings for your partner, & understand that your partner is a human. Learn to accept who they are when they’re emotional. Make an effort to listen, & understand how they feel, even when it’s hard.
Experiential intimacy is sharing experiences with your partner. Go on exciting dates or trips that you plan & discover together. Bake or cook new recipes together in the kitchen. Go bungee jumping, or take a hot air balloon ride. Choose stops on a road trip that you both enjoy, & share your “must-do” things when exploring new places. Create meaningful memories & inside jokes. When you’re cuddling on the couch, you can laugh & reminisce about all the good times.
Intellectual intimacy is feeling on the same page as your partner mentally. It’s having deep & thought-provoking conversations. It’s important to feel mentally challenged. Be open to expanding your perspective safely without fear of being attacked for your thoughts & opinions. Fall in love with your partner’s mind & their way of seeing the world.
Physical intimacy is self-explanatory. You should feel welcome partner’s personal space. It’s holding hands, hugging, kissing, massaging, & any forms of sexual activity. It involves consent, being comfortable, & feeling safe as well. No one should ever feel pressured or shamed into being physically intimate. Even in a committed relationship or marriage, no means no. Feel safe in your partner’s arms & trust them to love & respect your body.
Spiritual intimacy is sharing special & meaningful moments. It can include religious practices, prayer, & meditation. It’s discussing ethics, morals, & personal definitions of spirituality without fear of being judged. To me, it’s spending time in nature, observing a sunset, going on hikes, & walking along the beach. It’s also appreciating rivers, lakes, & waterfalls together, so you can connect even in serene silence.
Intimacy still terrifies me, but I learned a lot. Exploring intimacy helps me realize the ways I experience intimacy without realizing it. Being with someone who makes you forget about being scared of intimacy is important. Use your fear as a guide. If your person makes you scared to be intimate & vulnerable, take it as a red flag. It may be time to reconsider your relationship. Your desire to feel closer to your partner needs to be greater than your fear.
Couples often try to build a foundation through physical intimacy alone, but don’t overlook the other types of intimacy! A healthy relationship involves being intimate, vulnerable, & taking a leap of faith. When you find the one, they inspire you to engage in all types of intimacy, & your person wants to be intimate in a way that’s always comfortable & safe.