Black Mirror is one of my all-time favorite TV shows. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a dystopian science fiction series that I highly recommend. My favorite episodes include “Black Museum” & “Nosedive”, but today I want to discuss “Hang the DJ”. *SPOILER ALERT* If you haven’t seen Black Mirror yet, I highly recommend you stop reading & go watch Season 4, Episode 4 before reading this blog post. Set in a future, dystopian world, where society has given up on conventional dating, partners are matched at random & told the exact duration of their relationship upfront.
To be clear, in my opinion, DATING IS F#CKING HARD. Being thrown into the unknown is scary, but in order to find “The One”, you need the strength & courage to take a leap of faith. While being able to control the outcome of a relationship may seem great in theory, I will never buy into it.
I hate to admit that my dating life has never been perfect. I’ve led people on & wasted their time knowing that I didn’t want them to be my husband or the father of my children. I’ve chased after people who made it abundantly clear that they weren’t the right man for me. I emotionally cheated on my boyfriend of two years with my TA in college. And my worst mistake of all was not telling the man I fell hardest for how much I truly loved him out of fear of another rejection, only to have my heart broken in the end anyway.
The episode of “Hang the DJ” teaches us that being in complete control of the outcome of our dating life isn’t any better or less risky than conventional dating. Imagine meeting someone who you feel is your perfect match, only to be told that you’re restricted to a mere 12 hours together. You’re then forced to go your separate ways, to have a bunch of meaningless one-night stands, or end up stuck in a loveless relationship with someone else that you hate for an entire year.
Yes, the world is full of endless options. But at the end of the day, don’t you know when you’ve already exhausted your options? We need to listen to our hearts. We need to speak our truth & do what we believe will be the best for ourselves, while also taking into consideration the hearts of others. No one deserves to have their heartbroken, especially if we have the ability to be honest & prevent it. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes, & forgive others for theirs. Only then will you learn how to love with authenticity.
A reoccurring theme in “Hang the DJ” is that following their structured system will guarantee you a 99.8% love match. But what happens when you realize that you’d rather rebel against your circumstances? What if 99.8% isn’t good enough for you anymore? What if what will make you truly happy at the end of the day includes taking your chances on that 0.2%?
Even if taking that risk means losing all other options & hurting other people in the process, don’t be afraid to listen to your heart & don’t give up your happy ending because of the system & expectations placed on you by the outside world. Take responsibility for your past relationships to heal your heart. Then embrace your authenticity & risk it all, because we deserve to have 100% when it comes to love.
XO Denise